Sunday, June 1, 2014

Everything is Okay

In September, I moved two states away from everything I knew-sunshine, best friends, family-to be with my high school boyfriend. For months leading up to my big move I was always wondering in the back of my mind what would happen if we broke up. I came up with all these different scenarios involving my parents saying, “We told you so,” while I cowered below them, and friends telling me how sorry they were, but really wanting to say, “I told you so,” too. Images of embarrassment and shame and an inevitable black hole of loneliness made me wonder if I truly was making the right decision.


Then I moved to Washington and absolutely fell in love. My heart knew I was home and any worries that freckled my mind about breaking up vanished.
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For seven more months my boyfriend and I planned for our future and started looking for a place to move into together, until I realized, I wasn’t happy. So I broke up with him; two states away from any physical support from friends and family, I broke up with the only reason I was living on North Garden Street.


“When are you moving back home?” was so many peoples’ response. Not, “Are you moving back home?” but when. When I meet someone new and they ask, “What brought you to Bellingham?” I pretty much always get a pitiful face in response to “My ex-boyfriend goes to the university.” But what is there to pity? The push I needed to move out of my parents house and my hometown? Knowledge that I am strong enough to move somewhere knowing only one person, with no job lined up, and no feasible way to make friends? Or living on a beautiful bay surrounded by the Cascades and everything I need within walking distance?


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What I had in my mind as the worst case scenario happened and everything was fine. Better than fine, in fact, I’ve never been happier! How could it be that something so seemingly unfortunate was totally okay? Because everything is okay. Breaking up with my boyfriend of three years is okay. Having a fling with a roommate is okay. Dropping out of college is okay. The world doesn't stop spinning when I do these things, nobody stops loving me, and my face has this glow of self-confidence to it that I’ve never seen in myself.


With all of these decisions, I’ve learned that this idea of life being perfect and according to plan is just plain ridiculous. I was so afraid of making mistakes, but once I made them, I realized that they are the farthest thing from a fault. Each choice I make, I learn so much about the world and myself that I am in shock and make an announcement to my friends about my new life-changing realization.


Life just flows and the only important things are what we want to be important. I’ve chosen to make my health, the value of my smile, and whispers from my heart my priorities and let the rest of it fall into place for me.

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