Saturday, March 29, 2014

Ode to Coffee

Coffee, my darling, our love is perplexing
We do not meet often
But our hearts are one

I fancy your warmth; a blanket for my soul
Tingling begins as fingers of ivy wrap around the cup
And bittersweet steam pirouettes in my nose

When we part, I know a lifetime will pass
Before our next encounter
But I must go on

Sometimes I linger on your memory
And mourn your absence
Even though you wreak havoc on my day

Our moment lasts long enough to addict me
Holding me in a moment of time
Like a picture that I can’t lose

Yet, I don’t let your flaws control me
You will never be a mistake
Only a brief bit of nourishment for my soul

Sunday, March 23, 2014

You Are Worthy

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been struggling with writing. I haven’t quite been able to pinpoint what part of my life I want to put under the spotlight for the world wide web to do with as it pleases. We’ve been having this tug-of-war match, each of us pulling the other toward the embarrassment of defeat and in the back of my mind there was that little voice telling me I wasn’t good enough, and for some crazy reason, I listened.

But, as I jolted up in bed this morning, I realized, I can’t fail. The only person who can define my failure is me and why would I want to do that? Writing is how I figure out who I am in this modern world where the media defines how we act, look, feel. Writing is how I release my guilt about my most basic, primal desires and actions that society frowns down upon. And I would be swimming for dear life in an endless sea of indecisiveness if it wasn’t for the good ol’ pro and con list.

So, why would I ever be the one to discourage myself? Because we are our own worst enemies. And it seems that we all know this, yet hearing it again has so much power. Every time I’m reminded of it I do an imaginary slap to the forehead, especially when I realize that this voice has discouraged me in other aspects of my life, like starting my business and being a girlfriend. I just want to take a giant cartoon hammer and squash this voice, like I’m playing Whack-A-Mole.

Unfortunately, the voice is like a mole, dodging whacks and popping right back up even after being hit. We will never be able to shake it, and we aren’t supposed to. This voice is the very delicate balance of positive and negative we need in our life. Instead of running from it, we need to learn how to live with it and not let it make our decisions. Here are my suggestions and methods of coexisting.

1. Take a day off. Whatever you are trying to do, take a day off. Be gentle with yourself and clear your head. Maybe spend the day outside in the sun or inside reading a book. If you just take a day to recharge, you will have more confidence and clarity to pick up your sword and tell the voice to keep its distance. 

2. Journal. Journaling pretty much solves every problem known to man, and for good reason. No one can judge you. You don’t have to be a writer to journal. I definitely don’t put much effort into the quality of my journal writing. It’s my place for my words to be profound enough to change my life writing in the simplest of ways. Pull out that pen and paper and just start writing about your day and you’ll find that whatever you need to get off your chest will float to the surface, like a log that’s been pinning you down.

3. Look back at what you’ve accomplished. For me, re-reading A+ papers and seeing how much I’ve done so far for my business is very reassuring. Maybe you’re a painter and you can look back at some of your better pieces. Or maybe you’re a student and you can remember that really tough class you passed that was a requirement totally unrelated to your major. Whatever you are feeling discouraged with, look back at what you’ve done and feel proud about it, no matter how much or how little.

4. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are worthy. And mean it. Go to a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and truly tell yourself that you are worthy, out loud even. If you can convince yourself that you aren’t worthy, then you can convince yourself that you are.

5. Maybe there’s some outside voices handing your inside voice pieces of candy to make sure it stays obnoxious. Make a list of these outside people and see if you can either talk to them (gently and with so, so much compassion) about how they are making you feel, or just understand why they are this way. Is it a parent trying to protect you from the big, scary world? Is it someone who “failed” with their dreams and they are bitter about it? Understanding is a huge step in letting go of others’ negativity.

No matter what you are trying to do in your life, you are worthy. You are the only person stopping yourself from doing what you want and you are the only person you need to convince that you can accomplish anything. So, repeat after me: I AM WORTHY. I promise that you are.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Lets Watch the Rain

There's something so peaceful about the rain. It gives us an excuse to push aside our to do list and put our faces to the glass. It seems the earth turns a little slower and we follow suit. Rain takes our hand and leads us back to our childhood, reminding us that the material things which supposedly bring us happiness in our adult life have nothing on the innocence of puddle water splashing up into our boots.

Being from California, I have the privilege of owning the mindset that rain is a rare treat and the sun  is coming right back to steal the mud and puddles right out from under our squelching rain boots. It's almost impossible for us to not slow down and marvel over Mother Nature's tears.

But now I live in Washington. And in this new land, life just keeps on going. I don't see many handprints on the windows or hear the kerplunks of two feet getting wet.

We forget to slow down and take a long look at what is happening right outside the smudged glass panes. In this new, modern world we aren't supposed to let the weather, the seasons, the amount of daylight affect our productivity. With all our might, we unknowingly suppress our most primal urges to slow down, or even stop, and let Mother Nature tell us what to do, or at least whisper her wisdom into our delicate ears.